Shots Solve Everything
by Ashton09
Summary: Sometimes you just need a friend to give you the push you need.
Thank you everyone who sent me a message about beta'ing, I appreciate that so many of you wanted to help out. I do have a beta now, but if you ever want to drop in on tumblr or wherever and talk about my writing or Pitch Perfect in general, I love hearing from people.

Also, to those of you who have been asking if I'm still writing Triple Treble, I'm working on getting back into the swing of writing that trio, though it might not be as exclusive as it was for a while there. I might also branch out from the Better!verse thanks to a prompt or two, though I'll of course still keep going with it as well, as long as people keep wanting me to.

* * *

Beca probably shouldn't be drinking to deal with her emotions. She knows that. She knows that hiding behind alcohol will solve nothing, will probably only make things worse when she wakes up and has to face her problems and a headache.

But Jesse had broken up with her that morning, and even if she'd seen it coming, it still hurt. She'd still hated to give up on the one healthy relationship she's managed to have, all because they've grown up and grown apart. She's not even sure how they managed to make it as far as Junior year still together, let alone into the beginning of senior year. But with the stress of her internship and the pressure of worlds, there wasn't time for him. Wasn't time for _them_.

And now, there is no them.

Cynthia Rose was the only one home when she stumbled in after their last lunch date, and she'd seemed to understand immediately. She'd let Beca cry into her shoulder without comment, just letting her get it all out.

Then she'd brought out the shot glasses.

And Beca had known that it was far too early to drink, and that drinking was probably the least helpful way of coping with her emotions that she could choose. But she'd also known that any other choice would have been impossible to make, and she doesn't have work or class the next day, so she throws caution mostly out the window and settles in for a night of blissful oblivion.

And Cynthia Rose is careful to keep her from overdoing it too much, making sure she drinks enough water to hopefully stave off the worst of the hangover. But the glasses are full any time Beca wants more, and by the end of the night she's managed to reach a mostly stable place where she doesn't feel like crying anymore.

"I knew it was coming, ya know?" She slurs eventually, leaning into her friend's side for support. "I was always here and he was always there, and we were never in one place. And how can you be together if you're never together? Like not long distance because I get that's a thing, but he was right there but never here. Or I was never there. Or something. You get me?"

"Yeah, B. I get you" Cynthia Rose says with what some part of Beca knows to be more patience than she probably deserves. And when she's sober again she's going to make it up to her friend, but right now the alcohol has her and she can't seem to shut up.

"And maybe it's for the best, you know? He can find someone who likes movies, and I can find someone who doesn't. Or something. Maybe I shouldn't find someone. Not like right away at least, right? Like more than just the rebound phase, maybe I just don't have time with work, and school, and worlds, and who knows what else. I mean, unless I dated one of you guys, when would I have time to see someone?" Not that Beca would have a problem dating some of the Bellas, but that whole idea opens up several cans of worms that are probably best left sealed.

"Damn Cap, you're really drunk" Cynthia Rose says with a chuckle, and even though Beca isn't sure what's funny she can't seem to stop giggling in response. "Okay, when you start talking about dating a Bella, I think it's time we cut you off. Time to switch to water, girl."

"Nooooo" Beca tries to argue, despite knowing her friend is probably right. "I mean, have you seen some of us? I know you have, you've stared at Stacie since day one, but like, we've got some hot chicks in this group. I could totally date one of you."

"Yeah, there's just one problem with that thought" comes the quick response as Cynthia Rose hands her another bottle of water. And Beca might pout a little as she drinks it and watches her shot glass be carried off, but she'll never admit to it voluntarily. Much easier to just shake her head in confusion at that last statement. What problem could there possibly be? "End of senior year is a little late to start dating your classmates and call it experimenting, B."

"Why would it be an experiment?" Beca asks in confusion, alcohol and long standing comfort around her friend loosening her tongue more than she'd prefer.

"Two straight women in college usually is. Hell, one straight woman in college usually is" comes the cynical answer, and Beca can't help hugging her friend when she hears the buried hurt in her voice.

"Straight women suck" is all she says, but with enough drunk conviction to get a laugh from Cynthia Rose.

"Thanks girl, but you don't have to put yourself down just because I've had a bad experience or two." Beca is happy to see her friend laughing after accidentally bringing her mood down, but between the alcohol and her own negative emotions, somehow forgets that she's never actually revealed her sexuality to her friend. To anyone, actually.

"When did I do that?" she asks in confusion, struggling to think back over the recent conversation. "I said straight women, right? So totally not me."

"Beca, I think you've definitely had enough to drink" Cynthia Rose says immediately, which only makes Beca more confused.

"No, I'm totally good. Why would you think I'm done? I'm fine, great even." It's a complete lie and Beca knows it, but if she sticks to her insistence that everything is fine, maybe she can ignore the way the room keeps spinning around her.

"You keep saying that, but you just outed yourself after three years of never mentioning it, so I'm guessing you didn't plan it. And you know I ain't gonna judge, but you being drunk and all probably makes this a really bad time to talk about it." The concern in her voice is as clear as the lingering surprise, and is enough to cut through at least some of Beca's drunkenness to register clearly.

"Oh God, I did just say that, didn't I?" comes the next immediate reaction, and Beca can feel the panic set in. She'd never told anyone that before, and yes she's talking to the one Bella who will probably understand most, but it's still overwhelming and she can't believe she said it.

"Hey, relax girl" comes the concerned reaction once again, and Beca forces herself to breathe and focus on her friend. "Your secret is safe with me, I swear. I didn't hear a damn thing." It's obvious Cynthia Rose means it, and Beca wonders yet again how she'd managed to gain such good friends when she'd once done everything in her power to push people away.

"You're awesome" is all she can think to say in response, her brief moment of clarity fading beneath the pull of alcohol and exhaustion. "I think I'm gonna just fall asleep right here" she says, snuggling into the pillow she's been curled around for the past few hours, deciding the amount of effort it would take to pick herself up off the living room floor and make it all the way upstairs is probably far beyond her right now.

She hears Cynthia Rose chuckle as she drifts off, but can't bring herself to care as she all but passes out.

"Fuuuuck, my head hurts" are the first words out of her mouth when she wakes up, hands clenched over her eyes to shut out the morning light shining through the windows. Even though she's been drinking water all night, the copious amounts of alcohol weren't giving in without a fight, and Beca is ready to swear off alcohol for the rest of her life. She'd get up to find a darker corner to curl up in, but even lying completely still can feel the nausea lurking, and knows any movement might be enough to set it off.

"Here, take these" someone says quietly, obviously being careful to avoid setting her headache off any more, and Beca feels two pills deposited into her hand. She downs them without bothering to wait for a drink to take them with, wanting them to hit her bloodstream as quickly as possible.

"Why does alcohol exist?" she asks rhetorically once the pain begins to ebb.

"Because bad decisions make everything better" comes the unexpected response, and now that Beca can focus on something other than how her head and stomach feel, she knows it's Cynthia Rose, the woman obviously still looking after her to make sure she's okay.

"If that was true I'd have won the lottery or something by now"

Beca tosses back, attempting to sit up and see how her body handles it. "How many shots did I do last night?" she asks when she's finally upright, eyes still closed against the light, but stomach at least seeming to behave itself for now.

"I didn't keep count exactly" Cynthia Rose says sheepishly, and Beca risks cracking an eye open to half glare at her, because rule number one in the Bella house is count shots. The one scare where they'd been convinced Amy was going to need hospitalized was enough, and since then they've all been careful to keep an eye on each other. "Hey now, I watched you! I just didn't keep count is all."

"Ugh, fine" Beca gives in, knowing that even with as terrible as she feels she hadn't been in any danger. No harm, no foul and all that. "But I'm never doing that again."

"Probably for the best" Cynthia Rose agrees immediately, instantly making Beca suspicious. Something about her friend's tone is a little too innocent, and Beca tries to think back through the increasingly hazy memories of the night before.

"Oh, shit." She remembers now, remembers her brain disengaging from the conversation completely, leaving her free to blurt things out that she'd rather no one knew.

"Nah, it's cool B, I swear. If you don't want me to know, then I don't know anything about anything." The sincerity is still there in Cynthia Rose's voice, but Beca knows it's not as simple as that.

"But you do" she says with a sigh, tempted to collapse back onto her pillow. "And it's stupid, not mentioning it to you guys. I mean, we live together. We know things about each other that most of us probably don't want to know. And you're probably the one Bella who would actually be able to understand me, so why do I care if you know?" She's rambling again, but she can't seem to help it. It really is ridiculous that she's felt the need to hide the fact that she's bisexual from the girls who have become her closest friends. Even if she's spent years hiding it from everyone and denying it to herself.

"Coming out is scary" Cynthia Rose says in a soft voice, almost unusually gentle as she scoots closer to Beca's side. "No matter who it's to or how many times you've done it, no matter how well you know they'll take it, it's always gonna make your heart pound. And you didn't even realize you were doing it, so you didn't get to mentally prepare, it just hit you. So Beca, be as freaked out as you need to be. I totally get it."

The sincerity in her friend's tone is impossible to deny, but the way she's insisting that freaking out is fine just makes Beca feel that much more ridiculous about it all. Because while Cynthia Rose might be the Bella most able to sympathize with her, none of her friends will have a problem with something like this, and she knows that. At most Amy will make a few comments and Stacie will point out women as well as men when she finds out Beca isn't with Jesse anymore, but that's it. Everyone else, from Chloe to Lilly, would probably just go with it and move on. That's the way the friendships in this insane a capella group work. Support when it's needed and acceptance at all times, so this should be a non-issue.

But in her head it's anything but, despite miles of evidence to the contrary, and she doesn't see that changing anytime soon. "Just like, maybe don't tell the others yet?" she asks, wincing at how defeated she sounds. Between the emotional upheaval and the remnants of her hangover, she can't even pretend at being collected and in charge of herself right now.

"Beca, I'm not telling anyone anything. If you want me to forget I heard anything, then I will."

"Well, I mean it might be nice to actually, you know, talk about it occasionally?" Beca says hesitantly, still scared of even the thought of facing this part of herself that she's ignored for years. But she knows she'll need to eventually, and knows this might be the best way to go about that.

"Whatever you need, B."

Having someone she can talk to openly and without fear of judgement is surprisingly helpful, Beca soon realizes. Well, she realizes as soon as her brain admits that she doesn't need to worry about Cynthia Rose judging her, which takes a frustratingly long time and hours of arguing with herself. Sometimes having a stubborn streak a mile wide is a real pain in the ass.

But eventually she manages to get over her hesitations, or at least learn to ignore them, and starts looking forward to the conversations with her friend. There are layers to the women she'd never guessed at, memories of self-doubt and second guessing that eventually led to the confidence and swagger that she has today, and Beca envies that. Cynthia Rose has earned every bit of her self-assured attitude, and when Beca compares herself to that benchmark, she feels like a kid playing pretend.

But despite the lingering discomfort that's an unwelcome holdover from her days of emotional withdrawals, she really does begin to enjoy having someone to go to for this. She'd spent years afraid to acknowledge this part of herself, afraid of family and friends judging or abandoning her, afraid of hating herself. It was always just so much easier to avoid completely.

But Cynthia Rose never judges her, never criticizes (other than an occasional jab at her taste in women). She listens, and shares, and gradually begins to urge Beca to consider opening up about it.

"I'm not saying start up a gay pride festival in the backyard B, I'm just saying that it's been a month and you're still single, you have no distractions from the pressure. And we've all seen how well that goes when you end up faced with a hot German blonde." There's a lighthearted tone to Cynthia Rose's voice that keeps any sting from the words, and Beca knows she has a point. She hates that point, but she can admit it's valid.

"Where am I going to find time for everything that comes with dating?" She asks instead of arguing a position she can't defend. "School is still hectic, practices are insane and I don't even have an arrangement yet, and my internship is starting to pick up speed. Where does finding time to meet someone fit into all that?" Because okay, maybe she has considered getting back out into dating life, especially after making a fool out of herself at the car show earlier. Cynthia Rose had been the only one who actually understood what had happened, and had shown up at Beca's door with bottles of beer shortly after they all got home. With Amy safely off with Bumper, they've got hours to talk openly, and Beca needs them.

"Girl, that's what dating apps are for" Cynthia Rose says with a sigh, pulling out her phone and showing off an impressive collection of apps carefully sorted into their own folder. "I don't use these much anymore, but they're where I found my girlfriend, and they're great. Answer a few questions, and you can let women come to you."

"You make it sound foolproof" Beca says with a laugh before taking a large gulp of her beer, trying to hide her nerves. "And I don't know how I feel about signing up for a lesbian dating site when I'm bi. I've seen some shitty things. And what if I want to date a guy again?" Not that she knows what she wants right now, not after the amount she's had to drink and the lingering memories of the feminine grace that had so unsettled her earlier. Honestly, she has no idea how she's made it through Bella practices for years without staring, but part of her wonders if that streak is over. Maybe it had just been the pressure of knowing they somehow have to beat the woman and her insane group.

"Not all of these are just for ladies, B." Cynthia Rose says with a chuckle, pulling Beca out of her musings. "And even if they were, you've got every right to use them if you want. Anyone who says otherwise is just an ass."

"Still though" Beca says with a shrug, not feeling quite comfortable with the idea even if she knows Cynthia Rose is right. "Maybe dating sites are a bad idea. I should probably like, wait a while and see how this year goes, right?"

"Cap, if you keep putting it off you'll never do it" comes the pointed response, and Beca groans. Trust her friends to have spotted that personality failing right off the bat, and refuse to let her enable it. "Come on Beca, at least make the profile. You don't _have_ to fill it out or use it, but if it's not there then you never will." There's an edge in Cynthia Rose's voice that tells her any continued argument will be ultimately futile, so with another groan and a large gulp to finish the last of her beer, Beca unlocks her phone and pulls up the app store.

"Fine, I'll at least install one. Which one is the easiest to use, because if I have to struggle through setting it up then you can forget about it." Despite her very real reluctance, Beca feels at least a small twinge of excitement at the thought that this could work out, and she hopes it won't be totally unfounded. She does sort of miss being in a relationship, the way it had allowed her to let barriers down and learn to trust that someone could be there for her. Even though it had ended, and that had probably been for the best, she misses having someone that close to her.

It's scary to think about, to realize that she actually wants to let someone in when so much of her life had been about keeping people out. So she doesn't think about it, just starts drinking another beer and lets Cynthia Rose walk her through setting up the basics of her profile before the stress and alcohol catch up to her and she starts falling asleep.

"I'll finish it later" she promises with a yawn, setting her phone aside and attempting to stand so she can get ready for bed. "Thanks Cynthia Rose, I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything B, you've done plenty for the whole team. Just returning the favor." And Beca wants to argue that point, wants to protest the thought that any of the Bellas could owe her anything, but her head is spinning as she manages to stand, and by the time she's upright Cynthia Rose is gone.


End file.
